Best-Ever Barbecue Baby-Back Ribs
A True Story by: Fr. Kilian McCaffrey
You know, people often say to me: “Father, how do you make those succulent extraordinarily-delicious baby back ribs on your barbecue?” To which I reply: “Whilst I am loathe to unearth such a secret recipe, I feel the need to release you from your terrible, unending misery of not being able to make succulent extraordinarily-delicious baby back ribs.”
So, lo, how this all came to pass, was when a friend of mine – let’s call him Gerry, because that’s his real name – was dining in a restaurant with his family and they ordered barbecue baby-back ribs. And everyone who partook of the meal readily agreed that they were the most succulent, extraordinarily-delicious baby-back ribs that they had ever tasted. And Gerry said to the waiter: “Could you get me the recipe for these ribs?” The waiter wearily replied with spaniel eyes: “Just give me a moment.”
And after a moment, who comes to the table but the chef himself, swaggering like a gunslinger in a classic Western.….
“Lookee-here-boy, you want the recipe for my ribs?”
“I do” says Gerry.
“OK. What you do is you get a couple of slabs of them thar baby-back ribs, good n’ tender, like, and place them in a bath of vinegar. Cook them for about 90 minutes at about 350 F in the oven, take ‘em out – taking good care not to burn yourself – and toss ‘em on the barbecue, nonchalantly. Use whatever rubs or barbecue sauces y’all like and finish them for about 20 to 30 minutes. And there you go, boy, succulent, tasty, extraordinarily-deeeelicious fall-off-the-bone baby-back ribs. Recipe works every time!”